Building While Broken: Hans Karl Bruesehoff on Facing Heart Surgery

Ben BeeriI have a pretty big cardiology surgery coming up in three months, which it's a toss-up of how it could go. They were like, uh, your son has, like, seven years left to live. I broke my back, my spinal discs. I'm in a boxing match. The chronic pain lasted intensely for like twenty three years. Narcotics overcoming an opioid addiction, probably over like a hundred thousand hours of intense chronic pain. I had a massive setback with my back pain, got very suicidal. I had to leave the scene. I went into the Sierra Nevada's for almost six weeks, like fasting, isolation, while taking mushrooms. The other lead in this side that they put after this one broke has like three months left of life on it. And so it's unknown when they unplug me, so to speak, from the machine. I haven't been independent from the machine since 1999.

So we don't know.

Speaker 2Hans Karl Bruzahoff, good to have you here on The Authentic Journey. Duncan Schoen. What is your authentic journey, Hans?

Ben BeeriMy authentic journey is an interesting question. I've never been asked that before. I would say, overall, it's been about handling a lot of pain and suffering and darkness while learning how to be grateful for the struggle and getting better at over time, had to build while broken. Build while broken. That's powerful. It's been difficult. However, being able to build while broken is in the hindsight of I'm 39 years old now. I look over the years and I could tell a story of all the positives, and the blessings, and the privileges I've had in my life, and that could take up the podcast.

And that's in hindsight because I chose to not always, not always, but I did my best to choose how to see things in a positive light, how to sort of transmute what can feel like a fucking nightmare into an experience of joy or see the good in things and people and experiences, my circumstances. And so I'm glad I I'm glad I did that. I'm really glad I did that. As you know, I mentioned, you know, I have a pretty big cardiology surgery coming up in three months, which, you know, could go it's a toss-up of how it could go, And so I'm really glad that up to this point in my life, like, I chose to build. I chose to, like, live my best life during what a lot of times felt like a a nightmare, you know?

So Build All Broken I think is gonna be the working subtitle of a book I wanna finish before three months before the surgery. So, yeah, I'm just, I'm grateful to be here, brother. And nervous to share my story of struggled with expression.

Speaker 2This is a great honor, bro. So, thank you. I'm grateful you were able to come on today and share with our audience. I mean, you've got such a great heart, and the world deserves to hear and, like, have that heart shared with the world. And and so, of all, if you can, if you can give our audience a little bit more context as to what is going on with your heart. How are you feeling? What's kind of what's the latest? What's coming up for you?

Ben BeeriYeah. What have you been? I was born I was born with a heart condition called sick sinus syndrome bradycardiates, where essentially the heart has my heart has had trouble keeping enough heartbeats per minute, to put it in a simple way. And so the first twelve years of my life were were pretty painful. When our heartbeat goes really, really, really low, the body tries to optimize where to pump blood that is getting pumped from the beating of the heart. And so I would get all the vital organs, and one of the places that the least blood would go would be the stomach.

And I would have these really gnarly stomach pains where it would, like, it would disable me to the ground on the bed, like, tossing, turning, like, feeling like a knife was was turning. And so the context is I was born with this condition first twelve years. I I I noticed that when I was accelerating my movement, like running, anything with adrenaline, climbing trees, laughing, even, like, picking on my siblings, causing trouble to my mom's chasing me, yelling would, like, get my heartbeat up or, you know, get getting into skateboarding, extreme sports, BMXing.

These thrills, this adrenaline would, like, naturally bring my heart up. And but even though I did everything I could, I slowly had more episodes where I would faint, lose consciousness. A lot of experiences with, like, out of body experiences, like, being close with death. And by 12 years old, like, my interest in playing soccer, scoring goals, like, running around, I just, like, couldn't keep going. And they were like, your son has, like, seven years left to live. His heart is overcompensating by beating harder so the muscle was growing.

So we can implant the machine, the pacemaker, which regulates the heart and prevents it from going below a certain level. And so that helped me stabilise. At 12 years old, in my golden ages between, like, 12 and, like, 16, I remember I had the most minimal pain. Even though there was some bullying in high school I was subjected to as a white man in Hawaii, the Howie, some, um, attacks and some fights, um, over being white. But the pain be recommenced when I broke my back, my spinal discs in a boxing match, And the chronic pain that was 2,003 lasted intensely for, like, twenty three years. I just finally had a big breakthrough the past five months, but that was, like, an intense amount of pain for twenty three years, a lot of struggles, spine surgery, narcotics, overcoming an opioid addiction, and, yeah, probably over, like, a 100 thousand hours of intense chronic pain.

So the thing that's ironic and interesting is, like, as I've sort of handled that issue and there were some cardiology problems along the way, like the lead breaking and having some emergency operations and signing waivers like this operation might not work, like blood clot in the broken lead, they it's like it's amazing when, you know, there's these moments where it's just like, hey. This this might be it for you. So a lot of that along the way, but the cardiology was pretty stable till just the past few months as I've been, like, overcoming the back pain thing.

And we've clarified over the past, like, just two weeks. It's just kinda recent news that the other lead in this side that they put after this one broke has, like, three months left of life on it, and there's another big veins, the subclavian veins, to put another lead. And so it's it's unknown when they unplug me, so to speak, from the machine, disconnect me from the machine. I haven't been independent from a machine since 1999. So we don't know. It would be, like, kind of a miracle that over time because with entropy, like, you become more dependent on the machine.

And so if I can be well and be stable, it would be kind of miraculous, kind of, like, uncommon, but it's it's there's possibility there. And, yeah, I just have, like, pulsating right now from the lead that's, like, twitching. It's, like, half broken. There's, one line left in the electrical current where it's usually two. One line's gone. And, yeah, there's, like, pain here. I also had, like, a hernia surgery coming up, like, a couple weeks. Like, I have that. And, yeah, it's and there's still some low level back pain, but, again, it's like, what do I wanna build while, like, broken? Like, my machine is, like, half broken.

And so I wanna build a book. Yeah. It's it's a lot. It's, like, kinda news. All the I'm, like, still processing it all and finding the ways to be grateful. I'm glad I did live my best life up to this point, and if there's more to live after, like, the story's gonna get pretty a little more cold, like, I'll I'll be surprised. I'll be like, woah. So that's kind of where I'm at overall at this moment. Thank you for sharing that with us.

Speaker 2I I know I know what you've kind of been going through with that, and you talk about miracles. And I really feel like miracle that you've had in your life is you've been able to be so joyous Mhmm. Throughout and just go and experience so many amazing things. Can you share with us kind of like where you were able to tap into that joy as you were going through these years of pain and brokenness?

Ben BeeriYeah. Like what things or people or experiences like, yeah, or did I find the joy? The the primary one is over and over and over again when I look back where the joy was, it was with friends, family, it was with other, it was with people. Primary. So, like, let me give an example. There I was in the hospital bed after one of I think the leads broke in and post operative surgery, and, like, there's a catheter, like, penis, like, that was they couldn't get it out. It was, like, stuck, so I'm, like, getting ripped there, like, that was pain. My chest is all, you know, ripped open, healing, like and my back is fucking hurting too, and it was so much that I had to ask for a chair to, like, get on the hospital bed to get my legs up because the back pain was hurting so much for being in the bed, and my chest was hurting, and this catheter pulling.

And I remember, like like, my sister was there, my mom, like, a few family members, and there's just, a moment of it was so fucking ridiculous. It was kind of absurd. And, of course, like, the nurses and everyone there, they see us trying to get, like, this chair on the bed, talking about the back pain, but they're all thinking this, wait, because cardiology, and then they're trying to get the cat like, there was a moment where we broke into laughter, and there was like this little amount of joy and like such a it's like like a dark moment, you know, like, it's so bad. It's like But like, it's black, you know, it's like full dark. It's like so bad.

And to almost like a candle, like, you light with a lighter, and like, the candle, like, goes like, there's an authentic, like, moment of just like, so much joy. And, you know, I think when you, like, really have that essence of joy, whether it's a spark, a little burst, there's all kinds of interesting, like, chemistry that, like, our brain is like this extraordinary lab laboratory. And I I I recall, like, for those moments, it was almost like a little break from the pain. Whether adrenaline or nerpinephrine or these chemicals that was released, endorphins, I don't know, and it's very bonding, you know.

And so, I mean, that's like in a one specific very specific example. I'm gonna breathe for a second.

Speaker 2Yeah.

Ben BeeriMan, it's been a long journey, dude. There's a lot of joyous moments as well. I remember I'll give you another one. You wanna hear another one? Absolutely, dude. Invested, like, all the money I had accumulated early in my college years. I had I was on the founding board of the Entrepreneurs Club. My good friends started this and invited me to be part of, like, helping create it. And I was much more in my ego then, I mean, always have ego, and I keep checking that thing. Be humble or be humbled is something I've learned.

And I wanted to be the first to, like, create a business while we were all still in college, and this Entrepreneurs Club was starting in the Shadler College of Business at the University of Hawaii, and there's a craze of Do you remember the frozen yogurt

Speaker 2craze? I know it hit California. Like, when it first started? Yeah. Fill your own cup up? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So My god, dude. I was a kid. That was like too wild. It's like, all of a sudden, it's like you go from like, instead of going to the place, it's like, hey, I want that flavor. It's like, all of a sudden, like, you're filling your own thing up. You're putting your own toppings. Right? And it's like, oh my god. All of the machines, wasn't that like, yeah. Wild. It was awesome, right?

Ben BeeriMy dad's good friend had opened one, was doing really well, like Temecula, and they opened two, three, like Froyo Land or something it was called. And that idea planted in Danai's mind and he was always an entrepreneur. Anyways, I and my dad were like, what if we create one in Waikiki in Hawaii? And I had some money and put all my heart into, like, finding a place that there was actually a frozen yogurt place in Waikiki that didn't make it. They we thought it was they said the marketing or their something with their own issues.

I didn't do enough due diligence. I should've really had a tech check out all the machines. I was like, wow. This is like an amazing deal because it was mostly built out. There were machines in there, and we were like, let's add in gelato, like, gelato station too, and make, like, waffle dogs, make this really kind of eclectic cafe of, like, treats and comfort food that's also exotic with like the Dole Whip pineapple, and pink, and it was like a hula girl coming the logo's like a hula girl coming out of the frozen yogurt, like, whip, and it's called Hula Swirl.

And I remember, like, six months in, my dad, my stepmom, and I, we all had different ideas of how to market. We had put a lot of money in, and, like, like, the first day, the machines were starting to have problems. And, like, dude, six months later, like, we burned through so much money. The location, even though it seemed pretty good, like, I should have done more detail. Anyways, it got to this point where, like, I'm I'm a couple years in my chronic back pain. I'm overloaded in college, and, like, there was this moment of me taking on a lot of shifts, trying to keep it going. Is very it's getting very embarrassing.

I was feeling embarrassed because it was not successful, and so many of my peers in college, everyone, like, was thinking this was all gonna go. And I thought I was gonna open up chains across the world, and, like, I wanted to be, like, a billionaire when I was young in my entrepreneurial career path. And, oh my god, like, these cycles of, like, depression from chronic pain and the pain going up and up, like, longer hours going from there to call it, like and there was this one day where all the like, something happened with the machines where I went in the back and dude, the frozen yogurt, it was like it looked like fireworks. Like, stuff was literally, like, spewing out of, like, one of them, like, this way. Another one was going this way. The ground was flat, flooded with yogurt.

My dad and I, and so we like, I was, like, resentful already as the pain pain pain. There was, like, a line of, like, customers. The other guy that was supposed to come in for a shift to help, like, never showed up, and the overwhelm was so I thought I I thought I was gonna have, like, a stroke, and I think, like I I think I told everyone, like, there's no or I'm closing, there's an issue. Everyone was gone, I locked the door. And I I think I I went in the back and, like, laid down in it. On the ground. Like, in the ovaries.

All the bullshit on the ground. And I was going, like, in between, like, crying and then, like, laughing. I like as I felt it, like, my everything getting wetter. It's just, on my back so I can't stand anymore. The pain was so bad. And I think I started laughing, like, really hard to a point where I was like, I'm I'm done. I'm like done. Maybe it was like a year. I don't know how far this, but there is there is this like point of like laughing at the like the joke of it, of like the contrast of I was trying to be the best, I was trying to be the first to create this thing, put all my money in it, thought everything would work, it was very, like, public, social media was kinda coming out and putting it all out there, open all the stuff.

And, dude, just, like, to see all the big yogurt machines are really big, like, fireworking, like, spewing out all this shit, like, everything just so fucked. And I was just realizing we were having so many problems, like, these machines were done, they're so expensive to replace. I was at this moment of, like, what the I'm just gonna lay, like, down in this. And there is a temporary, like, moment of feeling joy, like that was early in my moments of seeing there there is a lot of comedy in life, and then it went back to, like, some crying and then some anger. So it was like a spectral. It was a roller coaster, but I I can go back to a lot of moments like that and that that comes up because that was just really do you find

Speaker 2I love it. Yeah. But you you sit there, and it's like, I I could tell you're going, you know, like, you're going back to it, and, like, you're reliving it. And it's like, how do you find, like, the light, like, in these dark moments? Like, it's like shit's hitting the fan. Like, it's not fun. I mean, you're in a painful time in your life. And then how do you, like, channel that presence to just be in a place where it's like, hey, like, I can let out a laugh, I can let out a joy, I can be in a state of joy right now?

Ben BeeriI think it could like, when I look at those turning points, it has something to do with like where I'm I finally am like, acceptance. Like, I I finally, like, let go of control. It's, like, so obvious that there's nothing really I can do to control or improve the situation, like, external circumstance of it. And it's like in that moment of accepting everything. It's just so fucked right now. This is so fucked. This is so disturbing. This is like, how can it get worse? Like, it couldn't even rain inside. It was like, you know, like, it was and I think the surrender to, like, how bad we're perceiving that's how bad I'm perceiving that circumstance or, like, my own physical pain, Like, it's accepting this and kind of removing myself, not disassociating, but kind of removing my control of the situation, like, letting that go, and then kind of looking at it as if I was, like, a third person. Like, in the hospital bed, like, I think there was a moment when the nurse came in, and I had this split second of

from her perspective of looking at this this scene, this guy holding his chest, nurse pulling the catheter, that's a chair, how almost, like, absurdly funny it is. And so when I saw myself, like, in the yogurt on the ground and everything, just letting it, like, spew, I guess, kind of it's kind of ridiculous. And to acknowledge that life can get to these moments of things just, like, really being just, like, blowing up, like, exploding to the point where it's like seeing the, like, the comedy in it almost. I guess it's something to do with, like, you tried so I tried so hard.

I did everything I thought I knew I could do. I had it just exploded. And like, then, like, joy seems to emerge in that sort of, like, perspective on it in that moment.

Speaker 2So, when the outcome doesn't go your way, and you realize you're like, dude, I did everything I could. Like, you're good.

Ben BeeriYeah. It's like a if you if I did, if I did do my best, like, if if I if I do think, to the best of my knowledge, I did my best, then it may it started to make sense to me when I look at the different patterns of so many moments like this. There's like, the more angry I would get or then the the darker I would get. But if I would just, like, let go and just be like, fuck it. I'm not even cleaning this right now. I mean, if I could lay down in this, and then that surrender to it, yeah, like, is where the change, like, the alchemy of, like, the energy would start to shift into, like, positive and, like, joy would emerge and, like, laughter and Like, you know, what the hell? What are you gonna do? You know? What am I gonna do? It doesn't I don't find that it helps when I try to keep controlling. I've just noticed that it would make things worse or I would feel worse.

So it's like trial and error too with emotions of, like, trying. Like, if something isn't working over and over again, like this way I'm reacting over and over again to say something not working out after I try everything I can do to make it work. If, like, the certain reactions, like, making it worse, and now I'm, like, angry, or now I'm self hating, self loathing, or cursing my dad, blaming my stepmom, blaming myself over too much, or blaming people, like, I remember, like, leading up to that moment, I was doing that, and it was almost like that probably is what perpetuated it getting worse and worse, opposed to, like, if I was more curious, and more collaborative, and more compassionate, and more loving to myself, and my dad, and my stepmom, maybe I would've spent I had more spaciousness if I delegated more, and put some more time into the machines, and like, saw like, hey, this event might happen if I, you know, then maybe it wouldn't have led to that.

And so it's almost like, when I think back when things got so bad, so I wanna I wanna see where I can take responsibility for getting to that, owning as much as I can, so I can learn lessons and not repeat them, and then also see, like, okay, all these reactions, this way of reacting isn't wasn't hasn't been helping, And then, know, I see if I don't learn that, then, like, life or circumstances can get to this point where you haven't you really it's really f ed up. And I'm like, oh, I think it's just time to like let go, like accept, like surrender.

And then I see like the energy alchemizing and I start fucking laughing and it's life is fascinating. Emotions, how we react, how I react to things, I've been learning how to get better with that, how to be more playful, how to not be overly controlling. Things don't always have to be perfect, and I think a lot of that was, like, ego wanting to have that image of success and that I can be this entrepreneur, like, while in college and make a lot of money. There's always this drive to make money too that drove me into the wrong places.

Hey. Yeah, man. It's a trip. Yeah. What, like, what about for you? Like, I'm I'm curious, like, how do you how have you found to change the energy when things don't go that way? Like, I'm like, what's been your process? I'm curious as well.

Speaker 2I feel for me the words that I lean on are authenticity and alignment, and I wanna make sure that I act as who I am in whatever situation that I'm in, and that I don't put myself in a place to veer off of who I am. Like, be somebody that I'm not to achieve a result that might not even be mine to begin with. Like, if I achieved something, but I wasn't being myself doing it, then was that result really mine? So I try to get to a place where it's like, I'm being fully myself. I aim for the results that I aim to get.

If I miss the mark, I get to miss it as myself. Mhmm. Still me. Like Mhmm. Nothing changed about me. This was Ben. Ben took a shot, and Ben missed. But I know I'm capable of making the shot. Okay. And I realized that there's times in life where you often get another shot. Like, you're at the free throw line, you step up, you miss your free throw. Usually, another free throw coming right after that. You've got a chance to make the next one. And, of course, I try to make the first one, but if I don't, I just try to make the next one. And I feel that as long as I stay true to myself, and I know that I've put in the body of work, and it's aligned.

I'm good with it. Like, if I miss, like Mhmm. We're going to miss in life, like, many times. Like, there's going to be things that don't work out, and that's okay. Like, nobody bats a thousand. Mhmm. It's like the best Major League Baseball players batting the three hundreds. Yeah. That means it's seven out of 10 times they're going to get out. Interesting. And businesses. You can have x amount of businesses fail. Yep. If you have one that succeeds, you're a millionaire. You're a billionaire. Right.

Mhmm. You could fail so many times before, and that's okay. So I feel for me it's really about how can I just return to my center? And for me, my center, I find that in the words authenticity and alignment.

Ben BeeriAuthenticity and alignment. So, yeah, your the words are like your your guide through these moments of say missing the shot. Like, well, what's aligned? What's authentic? And if you're staying true to yourself for what that outcome that you had an ambition to to get the shot in, if you miss, then it almost doesn't matter because there's another shot, and you're authentic in your journey to reach that outcome like it was your result that you're looking for, then it doesn't have such a negative impact, it sounds like to me. I guess almost like you're keeping the joy always in the process itself.

And so the missing the shot is not negatively impacting you that much anyway.

Speaker 2Isn't am I hearing that right? Yeah. Missing the shot is not a negative impact. It just meant that I gave it the best that I could give it. Now, if I'm in a place where I'm out of alignment, and I'm not fully being myself, and I miss the shot, then I have to take a hard look in the mirror and go, ah, I missed the shot because I wasn't actually being myself. I wasn't actually being authentic. I wasn't actually walking down a path that was aligned for me. And I took that shot while I was out of my path. Mhmm. And that's why I missed. So how can I now get back on my path? Right.

And then take the shot. Okay. And but if I take my shot while I'm on my path, like, I don't expect to hit every single one. Right. But I know the work that I put in, and I trust that my work is good enough to give myself a chance.

Ben BeeriYou trust that your work is good enough to give yourself a chance.

Speaker 2And if it's not meant to be, it's not meant to be. It's not meant to be. I mean, I could say

Ben Beerithat would maybe help me understand why that thing failed so hard, that business endeavor. It was about making money. Even though I did like frozen yogurt, I was eating a lot of gelato in there myself. I But the driver was about making money. Was like, this fad is growing, and like jump on that, and try to like milk it. Like try to like ride the wave, and there's some entrepreneurial, you know, teachings about, like, notice when a market is growing, being first to market or early in. And but the idea of, like, making money and a pathway to get rich for the sake of it, while not being, like, particularly passionate about it other than personally enjoying a lot of frozen yogurt, it was really the money for the money, doing it for the money.

And so I think that's a good example of something that's really not aligned with my authenticity and probably skewed a lot of decision making, and is why I had a lot of reactions that were not as effective as they could have been, you know, is what I'm thinking about hearing you say it that way.

Speaker 2What do you feel that would have been aligned with your authenticity? At that time? Yeah.

Ben BeeriThe I don't probably something related to travel because I I studied abroad three times in college. I was so intrigued by the world. I first studied in Australia in my freshman year in college, sophomore year I went to Berlin, and junior, the third year I went to Dubai. And I just, I was studying international finance, entrepreneurship, in college, and I was so, like, fascinated about the world and seeing it, and I was I struggled very much to be in class because of the back pain, there's I tried to bring in special chairs, I would lay down a lot, and like so, I was really just trying to travel as much as I could while in college. Well, I thought it would help me understand international business too.

So I think if I had put more but if I if I thought if something around travel maybe would have have definitely been more authentic to me at the time. To the word? But I wasn't you know, that's interesting, it's like none of I don't even remember hearing that word authenticity too much. A lot of words at that time was, like, passion and startup culture, you know. Apple was, like, really they I think they came out the iPad in 2010. Like, there was so much of that Silicon Valley energy that we wanted to, like, taste ourselves at the business school in Hawaii, University of Hawaii.

There was a my I I was very you know, the shiny, bright and shiny object syndrome? That's like what money was for me in success. There was so much emphasis on money, and probably because my family struggled a lot with money, and my parents fought a lot about money, and that had ended up in their divorce, and a lot of struggle with, you know, scarcity, and So I also thought that'd be the antidote to proms for my future, if I had a family, if had a wife. And so it was like this combination of, like, success, material, you know, a prestige from being a successful entrepreneur, money as the problems that happened in my family.

And so, yeah, it's 20 20 is always great. Right? Like, if I went back in time, it'd be something with travel. Because I was, like, so into that. I would I loved going to other cultures. It was so cool, man. The Aussies, oh, man. They've been moving away. Those guys were so hardcore, they were so radical. It's just So anyways, that's my answer. Had to be something with trouble.

Speaker 2Yeah. So so realistically, so for you, the money was never actually about the money, it was about how can you give yourself kind of more so a level of, hey, knowing that you won't have to go through the same problems that you went through in your childhood, your parents went through. It was more of a, like, hey, let's fix this, and let's kind of once I have that, things will be good. Yeah. But it was never about the money.

Ben BeeriYeah. Well, it was it was both. Like, do remember my ego, like, wanting to be successful and the best was, like, a part of me growing up, like, I I always wanna be the I wanted every year of the chess championship, like, in earlier years, I always wanted to be the champion, and I hit it, like, five years in a row. I wanna be the fittest guy, like, presidential award, the most fit athletic guy, like, seven years in a row, like, awards and trophies and winning, scoring the most goals. I would I used to sing, like, I'm, like, I'm the best in the like, biggest jumps biking.

I there was an ego around wanting to make the most money and the success prestige thing. So I don't it was like a combo of money as a solution to prevent future problems that my family went through, and super egomaniacal drive to for it. Here we go. And how do you view success today?

Speaker 2How do I view it? Yeah. Like, what's the meaning of success for you today?

Ben BeeriIt's a big question, Ben. What is the meaning what what do I perceive the meaning of success to be? I think the meaning of success to me is what is actually meaningful to me? Number one, what is actually meaningful to me? What is actually authentic for me to put my time, energy in, and do my best at building that, creating it, sharing it, going into it, experiencing it with no specific I'm really out the door on, like, these specific outcomes, like, a million dollars or it's gonna reach a million people, like, these metrics that I used to be hyper obsessed with.

Because a lot of, like, Tony Robbins stuff, a lot of manifesting the secret, like, I got a lot of programming around, like, you got, like, the burning desire, like, have this thing and, like, take massive action, and, like And now I've I feel like doing my best at something to that I'm building or creating that's meaningful to me with a component of, like, it's good for others, or community, or the world, to me is like success. Like, which can be so it's like the process, the journey. It it in itself is successful if you're walking it.

If I'm walking it and working at it, doing my best with my energy, my resources, my time, what I can do, and, like, I think it's cool. I think it's good for myself and the others in the world. To me, that's, like, a successful ongoing experience, actually.

Speaker 2What do you feel you've built that has been successful?

Ben BeeriIn that way or money,

Speaker 2like old paradigm? In your definition of success.

Ben BeeriI really contributed to the Entrepreneurs Club building, and it's lasted till this day. So we began establishing that in 2008, and it really changed the business school, and I'm so honored that Joey and Alex, shout out if you're watching this, asked me to be part of the board of directors, and I was so excited about this endeavor, and it takes a lot to start something, and be proud of what you're starting, and like, that enthusiasm, let's build this thing, and like, keep showing up for every meeting, and every meetup, and, you know, I'm glad I got to contribute that in any way, and I'm sure going for, like, trying to start businesses, like, epic failure, even though there that was an epic failure.

There's another one, like, trying to create was really a competitor to the iPad, like a mobile It's like, I'm proud of myself, like, think it was successful that I did try at the time. I wanted money for the reason we discussed. At least, like, I went for it because I can look back, even though ultimately from a money point of view, or like some of the businesses not lasting, some lasted, like the Entrepreneurs Club, the idea of that, it changed the business school, and the other ones that failed, even those those businesses didn't last, the effort and lessons, like, around due diligence, like, I was very getting that lesson, and there's, like, fun times in trying to create things.

So I would say the production company that I started out of college, just a one man show, not really knowing anything about editing. You know, seven years later, I was still running, had a CEO, had a COO, It was how I took care of my livelihood for seven years was income from the business. It employed people. It created a lot of, you know, jobs, and the impact. We were creating, like, video marketing, big sales video marketing funnels for these big launches for, like, spiritual entrepreneurs and coaches in the Bay Area, San Francisco, Hawaii, and yeah, the experiences through that, all the people I met that were trying to add, you know, positivity into the world through their work, like, that was a success, even though it ended in a sad way, the company.

It's another story. But it was like, I'm proud of that, because the work that we created helped all of those entrepreneurs trying to do something good in the world, like a ripple effect, like it helped them do their big launches, that helped people learn how to build their businesses, or tune into their passions, and,

Speaker 2you know, I was part of part of that.

Ben BeeriSomething I'm I feel like is a really wonderful success that had no money element, is the purpose circle, as you're aware of. And I'm I think this is a great success. The purpose circle, the men's group, started in Laguna Beach in 2022.

Speaker 2For those who don't know, can you tell us more about the purpose circle? Yeah. The purpose circle

Ben Beeriwas this concept that is about men meeting around the fire to discuss the relationship of purpose in a man's life, and how that could potentially increase or connect us more with, like, our masculinity or masculine energy. What does it mean to be a man? What does it mean to have strong masculine frame? And that was kind of the idea of calling at the purpose circles, like, make it very clear of why we're meeting up and just simplify. No money involved, no membership, no cost to attend. Very much like a grassroots friend's meeting up around the fire.

And couldn't have started up start started it up without Ori, as you know, Ori Israel, and how when I left the scene a year and a half after, like, leading it and building it and us building it together, he took on the leadership, and it's grown and it's stayed, and now it's like, as you know. And there's a lot of guys that have come in and been part of those circles that the brotherhood from it, and also the accountability, iron sharpens iron, you know, reflecting mirrors to each other of where our blind spots are, where we can take more responsibility for the problems we're creating, and see more of our own power to have solutions to the problems we're creating, has been a real, like, honor and privilege to see just like an idea that I had in my mind, and then showing up every Wednesday, the first year was every Wednesday, and getting the firewood and, like, I had the back pain still. I was so messed up from a physiological point of view, but, like, just focusing on being of service.

No, like, money incentive, like, fully to, like, grow with brother. Oh, man. I'm so glad to see that the the positive things that have come out, the changes, the shifts, the evolution in a lot of guys' mindsets, and and then their actual lives improving too. That's really a joy, and who knows where it's gonna go. It's been evolving. But big props to Ori, if you're watching this, bro. Without him, like, it would have died, because I couldn't I had a massive setback with my back pain, got very suicidal, and I had to leave the scene. I went into the Sierra Nevadas for almost six weeks, like fasting, isolation, literally crawling through, like, really cold rivers, like, pulling my lower torso to, like, stretch my spine in, like, ice water while taking mushrooms, like, just combine while fasting, like, trying to, like, get the pain down in, calmly.

So, you know, without Ori, you know, carrying on the baton when I had to leave the scene, it wouldn't have lasted, and seeing how much Ori has grown with his leadership, his masculinity, able to, like, hold space for men and just, like, grow it in his own way, and it's and who knows where it's gonna go, but, like, I would to me, that's success. There's no money involved still, but just to see, like, the impact and and men showing up for each other, that's been, like, a medicine to see that and receive, like, the medicine of brothers caring for us and and our journey, being supportive.

And, yes, I'm really proud of that. That's was hard work to start. Damn. But it's worth it.

Speaker 2The big one. Men showing up for each other. Yeah. I feel like there's a shortage of that in this world. Yeah. Like a big shortage. Yeah. What do you say? Like, it's interesting. Right? Because it's like, as men, we each walk our individual paths. We can each be carrying the weight of the world at any given moment. The weight can be heavy to a point where we don't want anybody else to know.

Ben BeeriMhmm.

Speaker 2So we don't share anything about it. Mhmm. We're carrying this weight that's incredibly heavy through every aspect of our life. We carry that weight to work. We carry that weight when we're back home with our family. We carry that weight when we're with our friends, with our brothers. Meanwhile, our brothers, they're carrying a similar weight. And it's almost like, can we get together as men and give each other a place to just, hey. You can put down your weight for a little while. Yeah. And let's see if I can help you carry some of that weight.

Help lift some of that weight off of your back, so you can kind of move through life without carrying all that weight. Because I feel like a lot of the weight we carry as men isn't actually fully necessary for us to carry. We do so because we think we have to, but we don't have to.

Ben BeeriCan you give an example?

Speaker 2Because that's really good. Yeah. I mean, I think Really good. Oh, like okay. I mean, you talk about business. You talk about success. You talk about money. And thinking that there is a need to get to a certain place. Earning money. Right? You talk about, hey, million dollars. That's a milestone. Right? It's like so, like, in my case, I went out when I was in high school and decided, hey. I'm gonna start figuring out a way to get to my million dollars. And I started a business when I was in high school.

My business was able to run for a few years. I was actually in a I was selling tickets. I was buying and selling tickets to sporting events. And, ultimately, that business did not last, but it taught me about business. It taught me about building relationships. And I started my memorabilia business when I was in college. And I kept having to show up because I had these financial goals. Mhmm. Mhmm. I wanna get to building the 7 figure business. Like, that would be a milestone. But meanwhile, it's like, I'm carrying the weight of, hey, I have an unregulated nervous system.

I'm in pain all the time. I'm not feeling good about myself. I don't feel like I belong anywhere. I don't feel like I have friends. I don't feel like people have my back. My relationship with my family was very rocky at the time, and I just felt alone. I felt alone in a world that I don't think I had to feel alone in. Mhmm. But I had to show up every day. I had to show up every day for my employees. I had to show up every day for my company. I had to show up every day for my clients, the people that we were doing business with, and nobody could know that I was carrying a weight. Nobody could know that I was sitting there thinking that anything was wrong Mhmm. Because I just couldn't let that be seen. Right.

And the more I couldn't let it be seen, the more weight I was piling onto myself. Yeah. Mhmm. And when I was 25, I got to the place that I had always wanted to get to, which was the 7 figure business. And that's when the weight got the heaviest. Woah. Because I'm sitting there going, this was supposed to be the thing that took the weight off my back. But all of a sudden, I'm checking and the weight is still there. And it didn't alleviate the things that I thought it would alleviate. Didn't make me less alone.

It didn't make me friends. It didn't take away the physical pain that I was experiencing from whether it was back pain or being out of shape or being sick all the time. I just I mean, which all comes from stress and having an unregulated nervous system and didn't make me friends overnight. It didn't fix my relationship with my family, and it didn't fix my relationship with myself, most importantly. Like, ultimately, my relationship with myself was strained. I was only worthy to myself if I was earning financially.

Like, I viewed money as like, success is earning money. And I thought that as long as I was on the path to getting to a financial number that I deemed to be successful, that it was fine to carry the weight, and that it didn't matter. It's like carrying the weight is a part of that. And then I was able to that led me down a journey of, like, self exploration, self discovery, self growth, self improvement, self acceptance, self love, self respect. And I realized, I'm like, wait a minute. This is about me. This is my journey. Mhmm.

And it's not even about the money. And what if I just put down the weight and continue to try to build my business? Like, all this heavy, heavy, heavy weight I've got on my back. Like, do I really have to keep carrying it? Like, does it really make me more noble if I'm the guy that's working sixteen hours a day or doesn't have a social life? Like, am I really more noble if I don't have a good relationship with my family? Am I really more noble if I don't have time to exercise and keep my body in shape? Jeez.

Like, am I really more noble? Am I really taking the more noble route? And it got to a place where it just like, hey, like, what if I can dare put the weight down? Like, just put it down. Like, I don't have to carry this to get to the place that I put my goals at. Yeah.

Ben BeeriSo then how so then what is success to you? Because I think what you're saying is the weight is like, I gotta be this, or I reach this, because that's what makes me successful at the expense of working out, and this this is like noble to like carry all this weight, to like, basically make all these sacrifices. So if you put that weight down, then what, like now I'm curious to hear, like, your answer, like, then what how are you defining success, or what is the meaning of success to you now?

Speaker 2I feel like success to me today is authentic expression. Okay. And just literally being myself.

Ben BeeriBut what does that mean to you? Because like, I think about that too, like, does that mean, like, being true to myself, being myself. So, I feel like

Speaker 2we all have a natural essence when we're born, when we're young. Like, what are the things we gravitate to? What are the things we love? Like, take out, like, adult responsibilities, and having to make money, and having a family, and obligations, and paying bills every month. And it's like, there are certain things that we do because we feel obligated to do them. If you removed obligation from your life Mhmm. Which I'm not here saying, I've removed obligation from my life. Yeah. I don't think anybody really ever removes obligation from your life, but how can I theoretically strip that Mhmm? Obligation Mhmm. To understand my true essence? And it's like, hey, who is five year old Ben? Okay.

And what does five year old Ben actually want? What does he actually gravitate to? Like, you're asking, does five year Ben actually want to see in life? Like, if I was having a conversation, and five year old Ben was in that chair instead of you Right. What does five year old Ben want to see from 30 year old Ben?

Ben BeeriAnd why is it younger because we haven't been imbued and, you know, plundered by all these skewed programming or ideas of what it means to be successful, so there's more of a blank essence.

Speaker 2The essence is more intact if we're asking our younger selves that. But not just not just like, hey, things have happened, or we've been programmed to make money, or what, like, think of all the years of pain, all the traumas you build, all, I mean, being alone, not having friends, relationships that don't work out, businesses that fail. Yeah. Like, having scarcity around money, scarcity around people, scarcity around, like, yourself, your energy. Like, I mean, having scarcity around energy is not a good one. It's like No. I guess. Knowing that, like, hey. Like, I don't have energy as a person. Like, if I like, I can only move through the day at this rate because if I go much faster than this, like, I'm not capable of doing that. Yeah. I'm not capable of carrying that weight. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And really just reflecting, because it's like because the answer is within you. Yeah. Like, your five year old self is within you. Right. Right now. Right. He's within you.

It's like, what would five year old Hans want? Like, what would five year Like like, right now, if you were to tell five year old Hans, like, hey, I'm in this spot. It's not an easy one. I've been in pain for a long period of my life. There's a lot of uncertainty coming up in the future. In three months, I'm looking for a miracle, or I don't know what's happening, or more so you do know what's happening. What would five year old Hans want from 39 year old Hans

Ben Beerifor these next three months? He would say, dude, have the best fucking time of your life, bro. Let's go fucking play. Okay. Let's laugh with others. Let's chill the f out. Let's not stress about all the bills, the money, all the proms with the sustenance, like, figure out a way to, like, make sure taken care of. Whatever is the most easiest path of resistance, whoever can help and wants to help and be part of alleviating that for you, like, lean on your support system, your brothers, your family, friends, like, that is not what's important. Haven't you fucking learned anything?

And remember, like, there's remember the times how much when I was in that, without thinking there was obligation at five year old Hans, like, even in the in the middle of the heart condition, I was able to really enjoy life when I was in that, in that sort of feeling that life is about sharing love and and not be and creating things I would create. At five years old, I was building tree houses and blanket forts in the house and running around with kids skateboarding, biking, adventures. I I loved being alive.

I really did. I thought the world I thought I I thought everyone was so interesting, And I really do still. Even more so now, now that I've gotten like past the chronic like, in animals and like all life forms, the planet. To me, it's like almost all like this, like a phenomenal miracle that we're here, and we can do things, and I have all my limbs, and I am holding my stomach, holding the hernia, and this is pulsating, and my back is still It's like I do I am still pretty privileged. This is a lot better than being in the hospital, Ben. You know what I mean? That's to come. That's coming. But right now, yeah, five year old Hans is like, yo, dude, have some have some fun.

Have some fun. Build something that's meaningful to you. I like the book. There's times where I like writing. Like, have have fun writing that without some strange outcome that I need to hit. Like, maybe just publish it for free, like, there's no money model. You know, like, I like the idea of maybe there's a gentle way to start laying the foundation for, a nonprofit. I'm very interested in, like, a mission driven build while broken. Like, I've always like, we started this podcast. There's a joy in building if we're if we're not building while carrying this this artificial made up burden that's to for the purpose of like hitting some metric that society says is successful.

Yeah. Something around that five year old haunts just like, dude, how do you stay in joy, man? And just live from that. I am in awe. I am in total awe. I can't believe I'm I mean, I really can't believe I'm so light. It's amazing. And, like, just this moment, bro. Got lucky here. He's awesome. Just the the fact that we're on this podcast having a conversation, and, like, this can be packaged and popped on the Internet, and they could reach all these people, like, through the Internet, like like, wow.

Remember when phones were still in courts? Anyone remember that? You know what I mean? I remember, like, to really And we actually talked to each other at Yeah. And to, like, get your neighbors, your friends, anyone, like, knocking on the door. Remember that I would we'd show up a lot. So it's incredible that like, in the past, these conversations before videos and everything, like, they would be impactful for us and anyone else in the room, and, like, then we can talk about it verbally to other what I learned.

I mean, it's just like, that's kinda magical, and why you're making this podcast is to have a meaningful conversation and share it, and maybe I mean, if there's one guy out there that Maybe he's in isolation, maybe he doesn't have brothers, maybe he, you know, has failed, or is struggling, or feels he also is carrying this burden, and to be noble, to carry it and not share it, like, want you to know, man, fuck all that, dude. Like, that we're we're like, we're saying here that doesn't That's, I think, when we're out of alignment, because we're now doing something to please others. We're we're doing something to, like, get somewhere that we is coming from something external opposed to listening to, like, what what is joyful for me?

Like, what what is my natural essence? And what can what can I do to, like, embody that, do my best at that, share that, and maybe find some other people interested in in doing it together? I could have never, you know, imagined different things that did grow the communities, like, when that really came from the heart. It it really it's, like, changed lives. And feeling that support too in life, like, we can create we can create that. And I think it has something to do with, like there's, like, an element of vulnerability, like putting down, like, the facade or the mask that I got at all and opening up can attract I think it helps other people understand they can do that too.

And I think that's where authenticity starts to sprout, starts to, like, grow. When we're not trying to be something else or do something to please others, then what's left is, the essence when that is stripped away. So my I'm wondering, what is my authentic journey right now of the next few months and beyond, if that's the case. This podcast has me is putting that in my consciousness more than ever. I mean, thank you.

Speaker 2I love it. And it and it's so interesting because we sometimes don't ask ourselves, like, the questions that lead us to our natural essence. And it's like, how do we get there? Like, how do we actually get there? That like That's one more yeah. And how do we, like I mean, like, have ever have you ever watched The Lion King before? Oh, yeah. London. Like, remember when, like, when Symbol looks in the water? Oh, he sees his own reflection. Yeah. Remember that? Yeah. And then it's like, he sees his own reflection, but at the same time, like, he sees his father. It's like, hey, like, remember who you are.

And it's like and it's like, at the end of the day, it's like, I almost wonder if it's like, if we're in this life and we just go through the process just to simply, like, remember who we are and return to that. Like, like, at the end of the day, like, maybe, like, your life purpose is, like, how do you just return to being five year old Hans? And maybe my life purpose is like, how do I just return to being five year old Ben? Five year old Ben in an adult body, but it's like, ultimately, it's like and again, and express myself as five year old Ben, Like, doing the things that I do today. For me nowadays, it's business ownership, like, having the podcast. It's like showing people that they can truly express themselves.

And it's like I almost wonder, it's like, whatever whole journey is like written backwards. It's like it's like you're in a place where it's like the person you truly are is who you are right off the bat, like, soon as you're born. And then every day, you veer further away from that. And the goal is to truly realize it's like, wait a minute. Like, I'm going further away from who I am. Yeah. How can I get back to who I am?

Ben BeeriAnd you're saying, like, the questions can help expedite that process.

Speaker 2I like asking myself questions, because I feel like again, I feel like there's I get more moments of who I naturally am, like my true essence today than I've ever had before in my adult life. But I certainly don't get as many moments of myself in my natural essence as I got when I was five years old. Like, to give you an idea, when I was five Yeah. Years old Yeah. Like, I was in kindergarten. I liked basketball. I thought basketball was cool. I didn't know how to read yet, but every single day at school, in kindergarten, I would bring a newspaper to school, so before the day of smartphones and checking scores Yeah. Yeah. So I could read the NBA box scores and the standings.

But the only thing was that I couldn't actually read. So I had to memorize, like, the city, like, codes and what they were. Mhmm. So it's like, the Lakers were L A, L for Lakers. The Clippers were L A, C for Clippers. The Warriors were G S for Golden State, W. Each team had the three in Detroit, D E T, Dallas, D A L. And I would just memorize the three digit, like, codes, city codes for each team. And I'm just like, wow, this is just cool to keep up with. Like, this is fascinating to me. And it's like, hey, this team won this game. It's like, oh, this team beat this team last night. And, okay, what are the points like? It's like, I got to, like, understand. It's like, okay, like, knew at the time, like, I checked the Lakers box score. It's like, I couldn't fully read, but I knew that Shaquille O'Neal had an apostrophe in his name, and like, okay. The o with a little thing after it, that means how many points Shaq had last game.

And I could tell how many points Shaq had, I could tell how many points Kobe had, because I knew they would be the higher numbers. And my point was is, I had an admiration Mhmm. For the professional basketball players because they were in a state of play. Oh. They were adults. They were living their dreams. They were doing something they were passionate about, which is playing basketball. Bingo. And they were accurately expressing themselves like Kobe Bryant lived until he was 41 years old. He played professional basketball until he was 38.

From 18 to 38, he played professional basketball. Wow. And every day on that basketball court, he got to fully express himself. Same way five year old Kobe Bryant would on the basketball court. Obviously, it was a lot more methodical as he was a professional basketball player. Like, he'd really worked on mastering his craft. And we all work on mastering our craft. Like, it's like the person I am today operating my businesses, plural, this time around, is different than the person who started my first business with a hope of, hey, maybe I can make a little bit of money here.

But I feel like I'm so much more expressive. I feel like the moments of, like, it's not that serious. Like, laying in the frozen yogurt. Like, it's like, dude, like, if shit hits the fan, then it hits the fan. Guess what? I get to wake up tomorrow Mhmm. And like, keep going at it. Like, I get to take another shot. Right. Right. Like, the shot I miss isn't going to put me out of business. The shot I miss isn't going to get me off of my path. It just means that I might have to lay in frozen yogurt sometime.

Yeah. But then guess what? I can get that frozen yogurt cleaned up, get my ass back up, and get ready for the next shot, where I can be fully expressive of myself in my natural essence, and really just allow that version of Ben, that five year old version of Ben, to just express and, like, dude, like, be you. Like, you would have dreamed of being where I am today. Like, you get to come with me Yes. For this ride. Like, you get to come with me. Let's fucking flow. Like, it's like, you don't have to stay back and worry. You don't have to it's like like, we're kids. We wonder all the time. Like, what can happen? Like, what's gonna happen in our lives? Like, we dream.

We also worry. Like, what if we don't get there? It's like, how do we just throw away all these, like, worries and just say, hey. Like, dude, we've got such a beautiful life ahead of us. We don't actually know how long it's going to be. We don't know what's going to unfold. We don't know who we're going to cross paths with. We don't know when anything is going to happen. I mean, you or I could walk out of here today and get hit by a fucking bus, dude. And it's like and it could be over. Like, did I give everything I had?

And why did I give everything I had? Did I express everything that was meant to be expressed? Like, how many people are sitting today on their deathbeds? Yeah. Like, having just given up on, like, a dream that they had or maybe, like, their dream partner. Like, hey, like, they never told their dream partner they loved them, so they ended up with somebody else. Now they're sitting here regretting it. They never, like something was unexpressed in their life. Like, they thought they were capable of something, but, hey, you know, dad wanted to be me to be a doctor.

I was a doctor. I was a lawyer. Not a bad life, not what they wanted. It's like Oh, man. They can fight. Like and then it's like, what are the things that we didn't want, and how can we focus on those? Like, the things we actually wanted and just realize it's like, hey. How do I just, like I wanted that. I've always wanted that. Yeah. Like, how do we just push all in on the things we always wanted? Like, how do I make that five year old Ben

Ben Beerifucking proud? And how how do we? Because you're right. Yeah. I think what's interesting what you said, there are the there are a study of a guy who's like an EMT, and he was with a lot of people after a car accident, certain and dying, and they have a few minutes to leave. He did like a TED TED Talk on this. The most common regret was never he said it was never about people regretting what they did. It was always about regretting what they didn't do. Yeah. What's worse is like you're in a state of part disability and you have like ten years left to live and now you have that thought for ten years, You know, three thousand six hundred plus days Yeah. Of like that, not just three hundred seconds.

So how so you're so I like I like that energy. You're like, how do I make that five year old Ben proud? How do we just like go for that? While it's like, I imagine some people and even my own self, like, the worries or doubts of like, the obligations of like, we're in this structure that demands, especially in Orange County, but, like, vod bills. Right? Like, obligations. How how is, like, theoretical theoreticals and questions help find the essence? How do we fully do that while balancing obligations or things we need to survive?

That I have a hard a very difficult time reconciling, and I know a lot of people, like, probably do too. I think we all do. I mean How do we reconcile this? I'm not gonna sit here and act like I have figured out.

Speaker 2I mean, I think What do we do? It's like How do we do this? One of those things where it's like I think you just need to recognize. It's like, hey, like, am I doing this out of, like, obligation, or am I doing this out of, like, a place of really wanting to do this or out of expression? Like, yes. There are certain points in time where it's like, yes. You have to show up at the meeting. You've gotta wear your suit. You've gotta do what you have to do Right. To fulfill, like, the lifestyle that you have, the people that you need to take care of.

Like, call that an obligation. Like, I can tell you this. I mean, showing up at school, k through 12, fuck that. Yeah. I mean, like, as a kid? Oh my god. That was brutal. It's like every single day. It's like I'm showing up at school. It's like, dude, like, I hate my life right now. Yeah. Sure. And for me, I told myself, I'm gonna take the entrepreneurial path because there is no way I could have done the same thing with a job. Dude. Like, if you would have told me, Ben, five days a week at this set time, you are showing up at a place of work, and you're doing what you're told, I would say that is a continuation of school. I have no interest in that.

And so instead, I ended up out of college, I ended up working at my business sixteen hours a day. It works. Seven seven Why is this worse? Sixteen hours a day, seven days a week, instead of eight hours a day, five days a week. Yeah. But I loved every minute of it. Okay. Oh. And I loved what I did. I felt very expressive with the business that I was starting. Yes, I was carrying a lot of stress, and I felt like I was carrying a heavy weight because I felt like I had to prove. I had to prove to myself that I was capable.

Like, I had to gather that evidence. Like, when my business first started, I didn't feel successful. Mhmm. Mhmm. And I feel like the word successful is one of the biggest illusion words we get fed in our lives. Yeah. Because Right? We feel like at a certain point in time, we'll be able to say, I am successful. But the truth is is success has different meaning to different people in different stages of their lives. So my meaning of success today is going to be different than your meaning of success today.

My meaning of success five years ago is different from your meaning of success five years ago, and my meaning of success five years from now is gonna be different than your meaning of success five years from now. Right. And it's just gonna be different. It's different for everyone. So the reality of the situation is, so who determines what success is? The answer is we do. We do. Like, we do. Right. So, why do we beat ourselves up over not having measured ourselves as successful. Right. And why can't we just say, you know what? I'm taking this metric of success. I'm throwing it out the window.

Like, doesn't matter because there's not a time in my life where I'll ever get to this. Like, it's not like you gotta go. I think Elon Musk just became a trillionaire. Right. Like, it's not about the money for him. Yeah. Right? Like, he's going to keep trying to do the things that he feels fulfill his purpose and get him to express himself as much as possible. Yeah. Like, when SpaceX went public, like, what was it? I think it was like 4,000 people became millionaires in the process. As people chasing their dreams of being able to support their families.

Like, the stuff that different people are looking to do in life. Like, everybody's got different goals. Everybody's got different metrics that they're aiming for. And the question really ultimately becomes is, for me, it's like, how can I just be in a place where I just live? Yeah. And sure. Do we live intentionally? Yes. You live intentionally. You don't wanna throw away the life that you have, but being in a place and knowing that I'm building evidence each and every day of who I am as a person Mhmm.

And not feeling like I have to prove my own worthiness to myself Oh. That's where I wanna be. Because the whole thing of needing to get to a 7 figure business so I could have this evidence that I am worthy to myself. It's like, I could have just decided I was worthy any day. I didn't have to wait until a certain marker. Right.

Ben BeeriLike, I didn't have to wait. So that so if we're not billing to prove our self worth to ourself or others, then the is that actually what is left then? Is the authentic journey is it's something else to be explored as an adult, and the clue is in our younger self?

Speaker 2I believe, I mean, for me, the questions that I've asked Oh.

Ben BeeriGo ahead. Why did I build tree houses? Why did we build forts? Why? Why did we Why did I fly off jumps to get the air? Well, I think the answer is in those questions. Sure. Absolutely. Because it was fun, because I wanted to. It seemed awesome. Yeah. I love tree house. He's like, so that he's like, that's that could be the driving question, like, North Star that brings me more on my authentic journey. Is is is is asking five year old Hans, seven year old, why were you doing all that stuff? Because it wasn't about, like, I'm trying to make money, even though I started a seashell business at five years old to make money to buy a tricycle, because I wanted one.

But that's even that's even okay. So it was because I wanted the tricycle so I could go faster and have more fun. It was really about and and when we had a tree house when I had a tree, everyone building it, like, that was fun, and then we had our secret meetings in there, and debriefs about the other, you know, enemies in the neighborhood. So then that can be applied to now at this at any age, actually. Sure. Of what the authentic journey is doing what we would do without the need to meet obligations, without the need to prove a self worth. Dude, I wasn't building a tree, was like, man, I hope I'm worthy. You're like, I had concepts to that. So let me ask you. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. No. So the tree house. When you were five How old were you when you built the tree houses? Yeah, that started probably like

Speaker 2Three, four years old, dude. Okay. The So the tree houses, right? And when did you start having meetings in there? As soon as they were built, man. Okay. All kinds of strategy,

Ben Beeriyou know, planning.

Speaker 2Okay. So how do you feel like that relates to the purpose circle? Like Exactly. Like, dude, all you wanted to do as an adult is fulfill your own, like, four year old prophecy.

Ben BeeriAnd everyone loved it. And everyone loved it. And everyone loved it. Like And everyone loves it. And you're measuring it as successful. The purpose Like, you love your purpose circle. Yeah. Fucking successful. Right?

Speaker 2And you've said, doesn't make any money, but it's successful. You're Money model. Nobody gives a shit about the money. No. Nobody cares. Yeah. Like, at the end of the day, we don't care about money. Like, we care about what, like, we can do, what the things give us. And it's like Even the value, like, most

Ben Beeriup to this point was always, like, no self promoting, like, no one cared about what you do, how much money you make. No one gave. Yeah. I know about that. That was kind At the end of the day, it's like, dude, you're 39 years old having tree house meetings, except this time they're not in a tree house, they're sitting in chairs around a fire on the beach. And it wasn't like strategy of like, how to like, deal with the cooties of the girl down the street when she wants to play with us. Like, now it's like, how do we like, deal with this like conversation with my dad that I hate? And like, what do you guys think is the best approach for this conversation?

Different strategy, you know, meaning topics. Yeah. Yet the idea of coming together to like support each other and be together, to be together, is really like, I didn't build tree houses to go sit in there by myself. I didn't wanna build it by myself either. Like, doing stuff together. Building the jumps for the BMXs, jump off. Like, just building the jumps. Just that process was fun. I love making the curvature of that jump. Was, like, making that right, testing it out before, you know, and then the first, like, fly, but then seeing it being ridden by other people in the neighborhood, seeing something I built being enjoyed by other people, and friends, and the tricks, and the falls that came with it. Oh, man. Broke my clavicle one time.

After a big jump, trying to be the best, doing the coolest trick.

Speaker 2So you look at where you are today. Good. You're smart. What? You're really smart. No. It's like a breakthrough sort of

Ben Beerisomething's happening here. I love it.

Speaker 2So, no. I mean, you are where you are today. You reflect on who you are and, like, the life that you've lived. None of us are gonna be here forever. You look at what you want. Like, what do you still wanna see in your life? What do you like, is it about serving others? Is it about kind of like that old essence of who you were slash are? Like, what is, like like, what is the ideal,

Ben Beerilike, hey, you wake up tomorrow, like Dude. How are we living? Dude, you helped me get really clear. I know I put it in one of the I love the questions before coming on. Like, thought of, like, what is the coolest it's so it's like the Treehouse, Purpose Circle, another form of that, of like a beautiful nonprofit organization with my friends on the board of directors, like, board of bros. Okay? You know what mean? And I I was thinking about, like, what's what am I really fascinated by? Like, the whole universe, life forms, all of it. I've had some interesting spiritual experiences in the past five months with plant medicines, like, feeling like, okay, there is, like, divinity. There's something definitely greater than us and something beyond the visible.

And, like, that we're alive and that this is all happening is very much feeling like a miracle with its duality, the dark and light positive, negative, all of it. I was like, what's, like, the coolest name for nonprofit I could come up with that just serves the purpose of like spotlighting life itself, and the miracle of it, and all of us, and the good in humanity, the the the greatness about our planet. I respect Elon Musk, and I wonder how awesome things would be here if you put all his genius and resources in trying to preserve Earth. So I'm trying to fucking leave it. You know, so much resources and concepts and energy of us all this time. I try and get to Mars, which is like a dusty red fucking planet, dude. But if you just if he if I took him out on one day, stand up paddle boarding in the sparkling ocean to the sunset of the orange the sherbet orange sunset, and the sparkling ocean, and the dolphins jumping out and bring He would prob And all these incredible people having fun, beach balls,

volleyball, all this fun just in nature. There's no price to go to most beaches and oceans. That's all given that's here. I think it'd be like, damn, we should just like try to preserve Earth and make this sustainably habitable. Maybe we'll put the trillion dollars in there where we're already. And since he's probably not gonna do that, I respect him. He's so he's like one of my favorite people in the world. He's so he's he's fun too, isn't he? He's great. And he's humble. I'll I can do what I can to spotlight Earth, humanity, our species, the incredible, like, power I've seen when woman and man does have a harmonious, like, collaborative moment.

And I think a per like, creating a nonprofit is, like, that next iteration of building, like, a tree house, building a purpose circle, building a nonprofit where, like, friends who have similar values, like, I would love to put my energy into that. Like, maybe some funds are like, hey, it's gonna go to, like, clean up this beach. I got destroyed by some oil spill. Like, let's have the nonprofit fund, like, a group of 20, and, yo, let's go down there. Or maybe there's, like, some revealing of some tunnels, they're like, you know, something crazy happening in the world and children or something women someone needs help, and they're saying, hey, volunteers, like, bros, dude, let's go down that disaster site, like, who's in? Like, critter on, like, paramilitary going in or funded and go help out.

No interest loans, which an idea, like, worry, actually gave me. Like, that's really cool. For men, like, there's like a specific particular support for men. Think there's a lot of support of nonprofits for women, for all kinds of things. But I I think there's room for more support for men. Like, yo, if you're a dude, you got a cool business, and like, you think it serves a great purpose in the world, you can come to the miracles of our universe foundation, and, you know, ask for a no interest loan. Present your business plan, or maybe men see some training, maybe there's something, or a medical treatment that's not covered by the insurance, but like, they're living on purpose, they want to do an impact in the world, they could apply for a little grant for, like, medical treatment, because I've experienced that in my life. Like, there's a big GoFundMe in 2,023 that I did, and, like, friends, family, and at large, the public donated.

And those funds was the difference between me still being alive and not. Like, that was a very important time in my life. December 2023, asking for help, being vulnerable, stop putting on the facade that I can do everything on my own, stop hiding the burden, and asking for help, and, like, help through finances sometimes for a man, like, that was like a medicine, dude. So that'd be like, to your question, like, it'd be that. A really, like, a nonprofit foundation that I can do good with. That that would be it. I love it. That would be fun. That sounds fun to me. And men supporting men,

Speaker 2and ultimately, the greatest things in life are free. They're not bought. Bro.

Ben BeeriDude, it's combo. It's this moment right here, you know? Thank you, man. I feel like my mind and heart is like open more. You got you really got me thinking. I think I've had a little breakthrough. This this is very helpful. I'm I'm more excited about the next three months and beyond now. Is it Ben? I'm being serious, Ben. This this is, like, I've been trying to figure it out, like, how do I, like, what is what is the most therapeutic energy to my heart? Is like very an important question. So over the next three months, when when the doctors unplug me from the heart machine system, like, that'll be that'll increase the probability that my heart is like You know, they say healing is like possible in so many different ways. Like, we hear about it, I can't believe I've healed my back pain as much as I had. That's beyond all the predictions of doctors. It took twenty three years.

A lot of trial there. A lot of work. So what is the most, like, therapeutic energy, like, for my heart right now? And it's probably that playful vibration. It's probably like building something that's fun to build. And understanding, like, some acceptance, like, do some there's some preparation that's good to do, that but it should you should always I should always have my will done. I should always have my medical directive clear. So if I'm in a situation they can't put me on life support, you're on, you know, ventilator in like a bad situation, like, should always be ready, and have all my affairs clear.

And if I have a message, come on the come on a podcast if I'm invited, like you invited me, like, say yes. If I can write a book, and it's fun, and I can get that message, like, concise, and it's not like this big burden to birth and publish the coolest best book ever written, like, I can let go of the ego shit, just like get it down, you know, this would probably be very therapeutic energy. Not being worried about all obligations, somehow, what do I need to do, who do I need to ask for help with? Not trying to do it on my own collaboration, cooperation for the next few months.

You know, that would probably be the most therapeutic energy for my heart electrical system waking up and potential to beat independently from the machine system once it's turned off. Three months.

Speaker 2When you talk about building, sounds like this time you've got an opportunity to build without being broken.

Ben BeeriIt's technically broken. Back's technically broken. My hernia's literally ripped and like I'm holding it in. So what's another way to look at I'm not broken? Spiritually, feel very whole right now. Emotionally, I feel lighter than ever. Maybe like when you're talking about obligations, like put that aside, like there's this metric. Maybe I can just put like my body aside for the first time and not identify so much with broken body equals broken Hans. It's just my my identity was so much with like a star athlete in a lot of ways, and so capable.

I was such a great boxer. And me trying to prove I could take on any man and was winning so hard, that guy couldn't take the ego. So he had a weird reaction and, like, body slam me, destroy me, and it's like Not being able to do all these athletic things, I identified a lot of like that's my value. That's what equates to like whether you're broken or not is like the state of the body. And maybe it's time to like let go of that metric of, like, whether I'm broken or not. There's a lot of other domains.

Am doing I'm doing pretty good. I feel really good emotionally for the first time. Dude, the past five months purged so much, like, traumatic emotion shit. Oh, When

Speaker 2in doubt, you let go and you surrender and you lay in frozen yogurt. Those are your words. They're not I know I know it.

Ben BeeriNo. I love it. Yeah. Like, how do you it's almost like from the body stuff. That's gonna be a trip. Let's see your operations here. Next year, operating tables and recovery. But, like, that's laying in the yoga, like, it's too yeah. There's parts of my body dude, this world class cardiologist, she's well known. She's at the top of her field. She's at, like, heads UCSD. And I was referred to her by a very good cardiologist. She said, after reviewing all your records and, like, what's to come, you never wanna be called an interesting patient, but you are an interesting patient and I'm worried about you.

I like and you know what? That was the moment where I actually laughed. It's like leg in the yogurt. I was like, wow. Because this was, like, trying to get a meeting. A consultation with her was very hard, and it finally happened and damn. It's like, maybe that yeah. You're right. That could be a time, like, from the physical, just lay in the yogurt, not don't freak out, don't try to fix everything at once, and, like, stay in that joy. Build what I can from a place of, like, wanting to. I think that'll make the difference between more time or not, actually.

My heart's like, yeah. It's trippy.

Speaker 2I love it. Yeah. Bro. Absolutely. Well, Hans is always such a great time spending time with you, conversing with you, going deep on all the shit that we're meant to go deep on in life, which, I mean, such a blessing. It really is. I mean, I really, really enjoyed this conversation. Is there anything that you wanna leave our audience with? Any any messages? Any where can they connect with you? Any just something that you kind of just wanna leave them with and share with them as we sign off?

Ben BeeriI'm glad you took the time to watch, and no matter what your problem is, how painful the circumstances of your life is, it can always get better, and life is proof of that. And find your brothers, find your sisters. He'll heal together. We all we all can keep doing that. This was like healing then. So

Speaker 2Hans Karl Brusahoff, ladies and gentlemen.