Which Version of You Shows Up Matters Most

Ben BeeriWho are you showing up as? Like, who shows up in you on a day to day basis? Like we all have these different parts of us that come up in different situations. Like, I know me. Like, there's business Ben, like, to get something done. Like, this could be in a work environment. It could be with one of my companies. Like, it could be me jumping in the pool and getting my swims in. I wanna get my million yards. We're gonna make that happen. Like, go, go, go. Then there's patient Ben, understanding Ben.

Ben that wants to see you figure it out yourself, and sit at the table with me and do things your way and express yourself the way you want to express yourself. And there's impatient Ben who wants that stuff from you and isn't seeing it and going, oh my god. I don't want to be around this person at all. There is something about this person that is rubbing me the wrong way. There's teenage Ben, who's reactive, who's angry, who gets upset at these small things and becomes really really agitated that something is going on that I have no control over, and I can't fix it.

What do I do? And there's kid Ben, the simplest of them all. He just wants to play, wants to have fun, wants to express himself. Let's just be, like, be in a state of being, a state of presence, a state of not having to do anything that requires any actual result. There's no earning, there's no proving. He's just Kid Ben. And I'm sitting there and thinking there's all these different versions of you that show up at different points of your life. If teenage Ben showed up to a business meeting, oh man, that is not good.

Not many people would want to do business with me. If impatient Ben showed up to the pool to swim, to get a mile swim in, like I need to be in the pool for thirty plus minutes without taking a break, he wouldn't have the discipline to get it done. If business Ben, like executive Ben, founder Ben, like let's get it done Ben, Showed up to go and just hang out with a friend. We're just chilling. We're not trying to earn anything. We're not trying to prove anything. We're just being. Business Ben is gonna try to find the result.

Like, what is the measurable metric that we can achieve? And that interaction's gonna kind of suck. Like the other person's gonna sit there and go, hey Ben, What are you doing? Like, we're here. We're at the beach, trying to relax, and you're out here trying to figure something out. Trying to earn, trying to prove, trying to achieve. And the issue that most of us have isn't that we aren't the person that we want to be, it's that the wrong person shows up in the wrong situation. And it's like, how can I get the right version of me to show up in the right situation?

Like teenage Ben. Impatient, agitated, reactive. Man, you could set him off by just saying a couple of words. The other thing about teenage Ben is teenage Ben had grit. Teenage Ben would grind it out. Teenage Ben was a survivor. Like, there is no part of teenage Ben that would not get through something. And maybe teenage Ben, the survivor part of things, is needed to go hand in hand with business Ben to get things done, to get through a difficult swim, to get through a long workday, to get through an uncertain time, to get through some adversity.

We're tapping into that part of teenage Ben. The agitated part of teenage Ben, call it the shadow side of teenage Ben, he's a version that I would prefer not come out in most situations. And I think it's important to identify the parts of each version of you, your shadow side, that aren't helping you in certain situations. Like the shadow of business Ben, the go get it, the let's get it done version of Ben doesn't really know how to relax. Like, there are times where I go out with friends, and I really genuinely want to be present, And I want to spend time with them, and I want to chill with them, and I just I want the interaction to mean something on a level of, we're not actually trying to accomplish anything.

We're just here. But then business Ben doesn't allow that to happen. He comes in, figures out, well, what's in it for me? How can I build, or how can I grow, or how can I achieve? And then this very simple interaction, which realistically all I need for is kid Ben to come in and just express and be and play is taken over by this version of me, business Ben. That ruins the interaction. That doesn't build the relationship. And it's really led me to think about what version of you shows up in what situation.

And that question matters. Like, it matters to think about who's showing up right now. Like, what is the level of standard that I am going to adhere to here? Like, impatient Ben. There is a part of me that will spend time with somebody and say, hey, I'm out. I'm gone. I don't care how long it's taken me to drive here to get here. I know we've only been together for fifteen minutes. I do not want to be around you today. It's a part of me. I'm very very very protective over my energy as a person, the standards I hold for the people that I spend time with, and I feel that's important.

I feel like there's times where we let our standards slip, and we allow people into our lives that take from us more than they give to us. And to be in a place where it's like, hey, you know, I can be very patient at times. Let's take this version of myself that's less patient, and let's not use the word impatient. Let's use the word he's sticking to his standards, and put it in a positive connotation, and say, hey, you know, this is currently not up to my standards. This interaction is not up to my standards.

The version of myself is showing up, and the version of you that's showing up are currently not compatible. We're going to go in our separate directions. And there's nothing wrong with that. And it's really important to conceptualize who is showing up, like what version of you is showing up, and what version of the other person is showing up. Like, some of my favorite interactions that I've ever had as an adult have been when I am spending time with somebody else in a no stakes environment, where both of our kid selves come out.

And it's my kid version, and it's their kid version. And there is not a care in the world to what happens. Like, some of the most meaningful interactions I've ever had came from that. Some of the other most meaningful interactions that have come are when I'm in business mode, and somebody else is in business mode, and we're both working together to get something done and achieve a result. Standards Have you ever spent time with somebody that's been up to your standards, and you've been up to their standards?

This is compatibility. How can we be in a place where the people around us are compatible with us? And that knowing that the right version of us is showing up to the right situation, and that the right version of the other person is also showing up to the situation. Because mismatches create misalignments, misalignments create incompatibilities, and we don't want to be around somebody that we're incompatible with in anything in life. Like for me, that falls below my minimum standard. And I feel like being mindful of the version of you that's showing up at what time, You can't control what the other party is doing, but you can be conscious of what you're doing, and you can be conscious of the version of you that's showing up at a particular moment, and understanding the version of you that's showing up, that's important.

Because you want to know that you're showing up a certain way, not only for you, but for the person that you're showing up for in that moment. And ultimately, this is gonna lead to enhanced interactions, enhanced expressions, and really ultimately being in a place where you get to be yourself, the right version of yourself shows up, the other person gets to be themselves, the right version of themselves show up, and really, you're going to be on a path to a more aligned life when that happens, because the people who are sitting next to you at the table are going to be aligned with you. They're gonna be eating the same food as you. You ever been to a place and one person wants a steak and the other person wants a pizza and the other person wants a taco?

It's like, you guys are not on the same page. Like, you guys went to some mediocre, have it all, jack of all trades, master of none place. It's like, no. Y'all want steaks? Go get steaks. You want sushi? Go get sushi. You want pizza? Go get pizza. You want tacos? Go get tacos. But being on the same page with people can really ultimately compound over time and get you to a place where you've got the right people in your life. And that could only happen is if you're aware and you're conscious of the version of you that's showing up at each interaction.

So what I want you to think about is what version of yourself has led a recent interaction. Like, think of something. It could be in your personal life. It could be in a friendship or relationship. Could be in business, it could be in some of your hobbies or activities or exercises. What version of yourself led the interaction? I want you to let me know below. I'm excited to hear from you. I'll talk to you soon.